By the time of my 17th birthday, I had been diagnosed with major depressive disorder and anxiety, placed on two antidepressant medications, and was sent to local psychiatric hospitals four different times. At this point, my brain became convinced that suicide was a viable solution for my life. 

When my mental health became life-threatening, I was sent out of state to a residential treatment center; a stay that ultimately lasted eleven and 1/2 months. In a matter of a day, I went from living with my parents and attending public high school to being 700 miles from home in a year-long treatment program. No phone. No car. Not allowed to leave campus. No access to social media. 24/7 staff monitored. Living with 14 other boys. The transition seemed unbearable in “normal times,” let alone the challenges I was experiencing personally with my mental health. 

But for the first time in my life, I experienced the intentionality of mental health being part of the day-to-day regime. We had access to resources, programs, therapists, psychiatrists, different types of counseling, personalized medication plans, and more. We learned to live in vulnerability and with accountability. This was the first time I learned that I wasn’t alone in my experiences. From the staff members at this facility to the other patients I was living with, I found support and a safe place where I could be myself, and take life one step at a time to get back on track. 

I didn’t conquer anxiety here. I didn’t conquer depression here. But I did progress. I did improve. I no longer was decimated by suicidal thoughts. I was able to function again and began living a meaningful and fruitful life. Looking back, I’m forever grateful to say that this experience wasn’t the help that I wanted, but it was the help that I needed.

Now, I am married to my beautiful wife Vanessa, and we are beginning to build a family! I have also had the opportunity to work for a Fortune 50 company over the last five years. Furthermore, I am active in the mental health community, where I speak with students and have written and published my story, “The Battle Against Yourself.” In addition to being a Board Member for DBSA California, I am a Mental Health Speaker for Active Minds, the nation’s premier nonprofit organization supporting young adult mental health. What makes my life full now, even amidst struggles that arise, is my family, friends, mental health passion projects, and my faith in God. I am grateful for His grace and put my trust in Him first and foremost. 

No matter your struggle, please know that you’re not alone and it’s OK to not be OK. And remember, we all have an opportunity to support one another; what a beautiful role it is to be there for someone who may have no one else in their corner.